Loser Eats Win

It's a sad but honest fact that some people don't deserve to win things in life. Sure, I know that sounds a little harsh. But it's true. Classic example?

Ryanair Scratch-card Guy.

Flying on Ryanair from Poland to the East Midlands last month, our loser decided he would purchase one of the inflight scratch-card tickets. Somehow, somewhere in the deepest illogical corner of the universe, chances gave him a winning ticket. He won €10,000.

What happened next is somewhat extraordinary (and has become a classic example of why losers shouldn't win).

I wish I could have been a fly on the wall in that aircraft cabin. However all I have to go on are snippets from the newspaper article, and this is my own re-enactment of what reportedly happened:

Passenger (to Steward) : "Excuse me, I've won €10,000 on my scratch card."
Steward (delighted) : "Wow! Congratulations sir! ( To rest of plane) We have a winner here, folks!"
Passenger: "So, good, can I have my money please?"
Steward : "My good man, you'll have to wait till we land; then you can claim your prize from the scratchcard company."
Passenger: "What?! No! I want my money this minute! How dare you keep it from me!"
Steward (grin fading) : "Uh, but Sir, we don't have that kind of money knocking about the aircraft. It's in a safe place, with the scratch card company...."
Passenger: "It's my money! You swine!"
Steward: "Look, Sir, you can claim it when you land, you will get your money..."
Passenger (standing) : "This is an outrage! You thieves! You liars! You toy with my emotions! I shall not be a pawn in your ridiculous game!" (Stuffs ticket in mouth) Steward: "Woah! Uh! Wait, Sir, you don't want to do that. Just sit down, and..."
 Passenger (wide-eyed, mouth full of ticket) : "MMPPPH!" (Swallows ticket)
 Steward (eyes wide): "But...!" Passenger : "I will never fly your airline again, you crazy man!"

Ryanair donated the money to charity.

Losers should not be winners. It completely puts the entire universal balance out of order. Yet, this is what happens. Foolish people win money, get angry and eat their ticket. Nice sane people with big mortgages and rising debts don't get three matching symbols, and have to eat baked beans.

 The only consolation anyone has from this is knowing that charity gained.

Well that, and also imagining what that chap's wife must have done when she found out.

Feeling Lucky, Punk?

According to Oxford scientists, the chances of winning the UK National Lottery  is 1 in 13,983,816.  And to really drum home just how improbable this is, they add that the chances of dying between Friday and Monday is 1100 times more than that of winning the lottery.


So why do we play it?


Because, dear friend, there is always someone who wins it. Someone who plays the same numbers every week but never won anything, (except back in '02 when they won £47 and went out for tea). You see these people in the paper: a kind, middle-aged, working-class couple from a small town, riddled with repayments on their washing machine, who will now be able to take nice holidays, and - says the husband - buy that sports car he's always wanted. It's cute, and they're deserving people, and the photo of them grinning and waving a bottle of champagne (the wife always with her hair done and best lippy on - because now she's worth it) is the all too familiar reminder that someone has got to win it.


"And why not meeeeeee?" we all think, although we scoff and roll our eyes when we buy our ticket, and then put it in our wallet and try to forget about it. But you know it's there. I know it's there. And for that short time until the draw is made, we have a small atom of hope that maybe, just maybe, this time it will be US in the paper, spillling champagne everywhere. Every time we joke about "when I win the lottery", we're only half kidding... a part of us still believes there's a chance we might win the jackpot, and all our stress and troubles will miraculously melt away.


Of course, it doesn't happen, and we check the results, and immediately screw up our ticket in disgust. Disgust at our ridiculous dreams and for really thinking that we were ever going to win this. Don't people realise the chances of winning is 1 in 13,983,816?! I am more likely to DIE this week than become a millionaire! Dammit - HOW COULD I BE SO FOOLISH??!!


Still. I've got MY ticket. Have you?