A Short Scene From The Underground

It's 6.15pm on the London Underground. The Circle Line.
Two young lads are sitting side by side at the end of a Tube carriage, and having a passionate discussion. The lad wearing the beanie is confidently advising his companion on what he knows about the world. His mate listens, clearly fascinated.

I am sitting across from them. Though I am pretending to read, for the journey home, I am their audience.

Beanie: Like, prostitution for instance. It would be so much safer if it was legal. I mean, if somethin' is happening and you can't stop it, isn't it better to make it safer?
Hoodie:  Yeah.
Beanie: I think drugs should be legal too.
Hoodie: Well...
Beanie: Nah, like hear me out man. Think of heroin addicts, yeah? They die because they take bad heroin. If the government gives it to them, then it's safe. If they're gonna do it, then why not control it?
Hoodie: True.
Beanie: I mean, you know weed? Most of that shit is sprayed with glass. Actually sprayed with actual glass. Like, dust. So when you smoke it, that glass goes into your lungs. 
Hoodie: Shit.
Beanie: Yeah. So they should make it safer, and regulate it, yeah? Like, tell people the dangers, and stuff...
Hoodie: Like smoking?
Beanie: Yeah, like how smoking gives you cancer... so tell 'em what's what and they take the risks on themselves. But controlling it will make it safer. That's what they do in Amsterdam, and they doin' alright.
Hoodie: Hey, does your mate still live in Amsterdam?
Beanie: Nah. He lives in Germany now. 
Hoodie: Yeah? What's he doin' there?
Beanie: He just smokes weed and spins decks and shit.
Hoodie: [laughs] Cool.... so does he like living in Germany?
Beanie: Nah, he says he wants to move.
Hoodie: Why, what's wrong with Germany? [incredulous] There's good food in Germany!
Beanie: He wants to live in America. Better money for beats.
Hoodie: [considers something] Y'know ya can't get done for speeding in Germany. There's no, uh, y'know, speed... Um, no like, speed... Y'know. You can drive however fast you want. I'd like to live in Germany.
Beanie: If I could live anywhere it'd be Japan.
Hoodie: Why Japan? Technology and shit?
Beanie: Nah, it's not that, it's like, they have no crime. It's a really safe place.... I mean, except if you're a woman.
Hoodie: [nodding] Yeah.
Beanie: Statistically, Japan has the lowest crime rate in the civilised world.
Hoodie: Yeah, 'course.
Beanie: Also it would be one place where I wouldn't have to learn a language.
Hoodie: You speak Japan? I mean.... like, Japanese?
Beanie: Nah, but you know, 70% of Japan speaks English.
Hoodie: Wow.
Beanie: And they have no dairy products.
Hoodie: Nah?
Beanie: Nah. And you know, like, how Britain is like, one in ten people have cancer? In Japan it's like, one in ten thousand.
Hoodie: Wow, serious? And that's from no milk?
Beanie: Yeah man, I'm telling you. Like, when you take the milk from the breast, that's it, that's all you need. And like, if you really can't live without it, drink soya milk.
Hoodie: Oh. So is that better?
Beanie: Yeah, soya milk has less fat for one thing. It's more natural. 'Cos see, normal milk is from an animal, and soya milk is like, from the seed of a plant. 
Hoodie: Yeah?
Beanie: Yeah, soya has loads of vitamins and nutrients as well. And it has way less fat.
Hoodie: Like how?
Beanie: Like, if this much milk had eleven grams of fat, the same amount of soya would have, like, two.
Hoodie: Wow. Does it taste the same as milk then?
Beanie: Sort of. It's fruitier. Like.... let me describe this. [thinks] Ok, imagine herbal milk.
Hoodie: Uh, yeah. Yeah.
Beanie: It's like that.

London Snapshot: Broadway Market

Although I've been in London for five years, and lived on the East side of London for three of them, I have only just been to Broadway market for the first time. Shame on me, I know, because anyone who knows East London is as familiar with this place as an old friend. Admittedly it's not the easiest place to get to - you're better off by bicycle - as the nearest Tube stop is a decent 15 min walk away, but this makes it a safe haven from hoards of tourists. It's practically the anti-Portobello road. Broadway market is jammed with locals and regulars doing their weekend shop and meeting friends. It has a fantastic atmosphere, avoiding the usual pretentiousness of other markets.


Food:

For me at least, the question in the forefront of my mind is always, "What can I eat?" I arrived at Broadway market hungry, and ready to treat myself. (Hell, I'd earned it).

There was such a tantalising selection of food stalls, and the prices are much more reasonable than I would ever have expected. After browsing the Jamaican hot pots, the vegan curries, the homemade pies, the burgers, the cheeses, pestos, olive oils... and many other mouth-watering delights, I settled on a classic falafel wrap, which at £3.50 was better than you could ask at your standard chain cafes, and unquestionably greater!

Whoops, but I'm allowed dessert too, right? It's been a tough week... and it's hey, it's Saturday! Again, there were plenty of sweets to take your pick of. Everything seemed to have its own eclectic style - one stall had heart-shaped chocolate tarts with intricate birds stencilled on the top, while another stall had owls made out of shortbread, with almonds for beaks. Frankly, I am amazed I managed to resist most of these things. I had definitely earned some sort of reward....

My friend had recommended Violet's cupcake stall. While I do love cupcakes, I feel that since London was first hit with cupcake fever, it's all got a little out of hand. And I was also tempted by a dark chocolate brownie I had sampled a few stalls down...
But in the end I was won over by Violet's cupcakes - solely because they make them in miniature. It's the perfect size! For 80p it was impossible to say no, and the flavours were refreshingly offbeat. I chose a "rhubarb and rosewater", with pale pink frosting, and while I couldn't say it tasted wildly like rhubarb (or rosewater for that matter) I do know it was very good. (So I got another one).

One to note.....
One of the most iconic food stores on Broadway is Fred Cooke's jellied eels shop. Apparently Fred was selling these gelatinous delicacies on Broadway Market as far back as 1900, and then opened the cafe you see today. I imagine this place has seen a hell of a lot - oh if the walls could talk! From hungry shepherds stopping in for a bite while bringing their flocks through the City of London, to facing the risk of bombs and world wars, it's been around a bit. Fred Cooke’s grandson, Bob, is now in charge, keeping the jellied eel tradition alive. I don't care much for the fare myself, but am glad it's here.

Shopping:

With appetites satiated, it's nice to walk about and peruse! This is East London, which means you can find your fair share of the creative and the edgy: old records, photography books and art.

Personally, I love old stuff. I enjoy the nostalgia of old things. The romance. The idea that in the "olden days" life was slower and more care was taken in everything that was made, done, said... call me old-fashioned (ha!) but I love that concept. It's why I love markets in the first place.

There are plenty of old things to be bought at Broadway market, including vintage. There was an especially good second-hand clothing stall there, and I even managed to find shoes in my size! Yep, they were second-hand shoes. But they were £5.

Whether they really were vintage or not, they are very old fashioned and they were orange. I had to have them.

Wandering around there was a lot to browse: a fabric store with long rolls of gorgeous silks and floral cottons along its walls, and jars of buttons in the window; crates of fresh flowers; new jewellery made from old watches; handmade soaps and hand lotions; fancy hats; pet accessories; children's clothes; and bicycles. (I even bumped into a friend of mine there, selling her own bicycle which was bought in an instant). I realised later that what was absent here, in comparison with other London markets, was the usual collections of London souvenirs and Union-Jack trinkets catering to tourists. It felt remarkably refreshing.

One to note.....

I am not a sweet tooth (*cough* apart from the occasional mini-cupcake *cough*) and I would almost never eat sweets these days. (My dentist has seen enough of me in my lifetime as it is, and sugar gives me a headache!)
But like I said before, I love old-fashioned things, and there are few places more fun than an old-fashioned sweet shop. London has a few of these around, and Brewode's Cornucopia is one of them. Nostalgia overload! The colours! The jars! The memories of childhood sugar-highs! The disbelief that so much pocket money was spent on this stuff back in the day!

I popped in there with a couple of friends and was kindly bought some popping candy, which I hadn't had since I was a kid. Standing out in the market, it was one-two-three and the whole packet goes in the mouth! I felt like I was 10 years old all over again... amazing what exploding sugar crystals can do.

More from Broadway Market:

There are plenty of other highlights. The Cat & Mutton pub is cool, although I think The Dove is even better, with a fantastic selection of foreign beers and ciders. There are some excellent cafes and many other shops and stalls not even mentioned here. Basically, if you ever get a chance to visit on a Saturday, I'd recommend spending the whole day there. It's a great little slice of London.

What's All Your Furniture Pointed At?

I don't have a television.
But you can stop with the sympathetic expressions... this is a personal choice. (Yes, really).
The thing is, it never ceases to amaze me just how much we rely on our TV for entertainment, even when there is nothing there to entertain us. I mean, out of the ridiculous abundance of available shows, how many are really worth watching?

Come Dine With Me... Britain's Got Talent... Britain's Got Talent in the Jungle... I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here... I'm a Celebrity Come Dine with Me... Z-List Celebrities Eating Dinner... Celebrity Big Brother... Dancing on Ice... Dancing with the Stars...Celebrity Dancing on Ice... Dances with Wolves on Ice....

(I can't help but feel the decline of television came with the rise of the "reality TV" show. This, of course, came at the same time as the rise of "celebrity" and now it seems the two are so inextricably married, that if you are on TV for more than 5 minutes, you are entitled to paparazzi. Why? Because everyone is sitting at home staring at their TV screen, so if you're on it, you're famous. You don't actually have to do anything).

How many of you turn the TV on before you think about what else you might like to do with your evening? And how many of you channel-surf before settling on the 'least bad' programme on? (Be honest, you don't really want to be watching re-runs of The World's Fattest Pets do you?)

I'm not against television; merely our reliance on it and the overbearing presence of it in our homes and lives. Rather than being an appliance that we go to when we're in the mood to watch something - much like you would pick up a book - most people switch it on automatically, like a lightbulb. It has become a necessity.

Like Joey from Friends said, "You don't own a TV? Then what's all your furniture pointed at?"

People have actually congratulated me on doing away with it - but not as if I have given up smoking, (which would be a more apt comparison...) but as if I have joined a convent.
"Wow... good on you! I could never do that, but I think it's great that you're making that kind of sacrifice."

No I haven't joined a convent, but bless you for your concern. I really love a great TV show - if only there were more of them! -  and there are particular shows that I can't get enough of. Since I don't have a TV I watch them online, or DVD, and this way I can watch them whenever the mood strikes, not because the TV is on and there is sound and pictures coming out of it. (Also, this way my furniture can point at other furniture, which is much better for socialising.)

So alright, what do I watch that's so damn great?
The latest entertainment marvel I'm hooked on is Modern Family.  Now HERE is a show which has it all; it's sitcom, it's mockumentary, it's satire, it's sensitive, it's insensitive, it's heart-warming, it's hilarious... there is no bad guy, there is just one (forgive me for saying it) dysfunctional family, and each character is as likeable as each other. It's unusual. Not since Friends has a show got it so right, but unlike Friends, each episode is individual - a glimpse into a day in the life - and you don't have to follow dramatic "will they? won't they?" relationships and incestuous hook-ups. The most ironic thing of all is that Modern Family feels more like reality than anything I've ever seen on "reality TV" shows.

Watch it here (and give me your verdict:)
http://www.casttv.com/shows/modern-family