Sunday, 28 March 2010

Loser Eats Win

It's a sad but honest fact that some people don't deserve to win things in life. Sure, I know that sounds a little harsh. But it's true. Classic example?

Ryanair Scratch-card Guy.

Flying on Ryanair from Poland to the East Midlands last month, our loser decided he would purchase one of the inflight scratch-card tickets. Somehow, somewhere in the deepest illogical corner of the universe, chances gave him a winning ticket. He won €10,000.

What happened next is somewhat extraordinary (and has become a classic example of why losers shouldn't win).

I wish I could have been a fly on the wall in that aircraft cabin. However all I have to go on are snippets from the newspaper article, and this is my own re-enactment of what reportedly happened:

Passenger (to Steward) : "Excuse me, I've won €10,000 on my scratch card."
Steward (delighted) : "Wow! Congratulations sir! ( To rest of plane) We have a winner here, folks!"
Passenger: "So, good, can I have my money please?"
Steward : "My good man, you'll have to wait till we land; then you can claim your prize from the scratchcard company."
Passenger: "What?! No! I want my money this minute! How dare you keep it from me!"
Steward (grin fading) : "Uh, but Sir, we don't have that kind of money knocking about the aircraft. It's in a safe place, with the scratch card company...."
Passenger: "It's my money! You swine!"
Steward: "Look, Sir, you can claim it when you land, you will get your money..."
Passenger (standing) : "This is an outrage! You thieves! You liars! You toy with my emotions! I shall not be a pawn in your ridiculous game!" (Stuffs ticket in mouth) Steward: "Woah! Uh! Wait, Sir, you don't want to do that. Just sit down, and..."
 Passenger (wide-eyed, mouth full of ticket) : "MMPPPH!" (Swallows ticket)
 Steward (eyes wide): "But...!" Passenger : "I will never fly your airline again, you crazy man!"

Ryanair donated the money to charity.

Losers should not be winners. It completely puts the entire universal balance out of order. Yet, this is what happens. Foolish people win money, get angry and eat their ticket. Nice sane people with big mortgages and rising debts don't get three matching symbols, and have to eat baked beans.

 The only consolation anyone has from this is knowing that charity gained.

Well that, and also imagining what that chap's wife must have done when she found out.

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